How To Achieve The ‘Flow State’ More Often

Hint: It’s easier than you think

Tapping into Flow

You sit down to write. Your desk is clean and clear. It’s Monday morning, you are looking out the huge window at a beautiful tree. You feel sharp, focused, energised.

What feels like a glossy waterfall flows through your fingertips, and as you’re typing, you glance up to look at the clock after finishing your coffee.

Two hours have passed, and it was a breeze. In fact, you didn’t think you’d been writing that long. You’ve pretty much finished what you needed to do.

The Flow State

You were in the ‘flow state’ — which means you were seriously in ‘the zone.’

Flow States have been gaining so much attention in the media as of late, even well-known DJs Above and Beyond have joined the movement, producing tracks to induce the flow state.

Named by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the flow state is defined as:

“the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting loss in one’s sense of space and time”.

Specifically, the principles of the flow state are a merging of self and experience- whereby we become so merged with the present moment, we are simultaneously action and awareness.

In short, then, our being and doing become one. We become writing, or, we become the dance, we become the golf swing, we become the climb — or whatever it is that gets us into this optimal ‘flow state’ of mind.

How to get in the flow state more often

Low grade physical exercise

Steven Kotler says your prefrontal cortex turns off in flow — this basically means your ‘monkey mind’ is at rest, your brain is switched off.

To help stimulate creativity and induce a flow state, it can literally be as simple as pulling on our sneakers and going for a walk — something that research has termed ‘exercise induced transient hypofrontality’.

‘You can walk yourself into a low-grade flow state…it’s a great reset. If you’re doing something creative and you didn’t get into flow and it was frustrating, this is a way to reset and start over”

Steven Kotler speaks to Joe Rogan on flow

Meditation as a gateway to the flow state

Sura Kim, a Meditation Teacher who left the hustle and bustle of Wall Street to study the power of mindfulness and meditation, believes that meditation is a gateway to the flow state:

“Flow is truly a state of consciousness, and I would say it’s a state of consciousness that feels like you — like your true self. You don’t feel like you have to hide, or be someone else, or say the right things — it’s being your truest most vulnerable self, engaging in those things that you love. It’s a state of consciousness where you’re completely engaged, immersed, absorbed- you’re connected fully as your whole self… you tap into a state of oneness and unity” — Sura Kim, taken from my interview with her on synchronicity and the flow state

Sura believes that the flow state is a place of immense power — because there is no separation between us and the experience — we become one in that moment.

There is no thought; only presence.

Love takes us into the present moment

So in order to get into resonance with the flow state, it makes sense then, that we should at least somewhat enjoy what we are doing, or who we are being.

That’s going to get us attuned into the now.

If we’re feeling good, we’re feeling in a state of love about the task at hand.

So what about when it comes to work? It’s quite simple, really.

Enjoy what you are doing to induce flow states

Anything that brings us into loving awareness with the moment can induce a greater receptivity for a flow state experience.

In some of the Positive Psychology literature, a flow state is the hack to enlightenment, and is compared to a state of love.

In fact, Leo Babuta ranks ‘doing what you love’ as number #1 on his list of 9 steps to achieving flow and happiness.

Find your individual flow state

I think one of the best ways to encourage flow is to keep a flow diary — when did you last feel really ‘in the zone’? When did time ‘slip away’? When did you last feel fully immersed in what you were doing, and didn’t feel bored or like your mind was elsewhere?

These are all keys to your own personal experience of the flow state. By charting them and making lifestyle changes, you’ll have a much better understanding of what flow means to you.

Avoiding WFH Burnout

Avoid Work From Home Burnout

Feel like your life is an endless loop of Zoom calls, cups of coffee, walks in the park and Netflix?

You’re far from alone. Many people are finding working from home during the pandemic somewhat stressful. Although recent research by Microsoft suggests we are largely happier from home (that’s a huge 87% of us), many employees feel stretched in what they need to deliver.

More than 69% of us report feeling burnt out or exhausted from managing our workload at home during the pandemic.

Studies also show that if you’re a parent, it can be even more challenging.

An ITV poll found that 45% of WFH parents feel burnt out, 26% feel like bad parents and 30% often feel lonely.

So, how do you combat those feelings of work from home burnout?

Tip 1: Set Clear Boundaries

Don’t blur the lines of home and work. Working all hours of the day and night is a recipe for burnout. Shut your ‘bedroom office’ door at 5pm, switch off your work phone at weekends, and turn off any email notifications after 7pm.

Forbes suggests: “When someone tries to push back and schedule a late-night meeting, don’t be afraid to stand in your values: “I am unavailable during this time. How does [insert alternative date(s) and time(s)] work for you?” There is no need to explain yourself and dive into the details.”

Tip 2: Use a Timer for Work

When working from home, it’s easy to get caught up in bad habits, leading to back and neck problems. This can add to feelings of burnout or emotional stress.

Why not try a work timer? Many remote workers have had success by using the Pomodoro technique. This means you work in sprints of 25 minutes, separated by short breaks which can help keep your energy levels high.

Tip 3: Spend More Time In Nature

Studies show that being in greenery can lower our levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Since COVID-19 hit, many employers are looking into biophilic workplace design — the concept of using more plants in the workplace to help us feel happier, and more relaxed. Surround your home office with plenty of natural light and plants.

Tip 4: Embrace The Unexpected

When in a confining situation, it’s important to get creative.

Make a list of local places you’ve never been to before- a quick scout on Google Maps can offer some inspiration. Even taking a walk down different streets will activate new pathways in your brain, helping with neuroplasticity and cognitive flexibility.

You’ll feel better if you manage to insert some novelty into your working day on a regular basis.

Tip 5: Don’t Forget To Laugh

The pandemic has been a heavy topic for us all. But finding the funny side of life can be like a soothing balm when we’re feeling frazzled.

Seek out funny videos or some comedy to watch at the end of the working day.

Humour can make us more resilient, resourceful and creative — much needed resources in these testing times.

7 habits to cultivate the flow state

You know that moment when everything just flows? There’s nothing else but you and the experience.

You become the writing. You become the dance. For that brief moment in time, you are yoga. It’s like you and the experience become one, if only for a fleeting instance.

You call it ‘being in the zone’, academics call it ‘accessing the flow state’. It’s something we can slip in and out of.

We know we usually feel good when we’re in this state of being, but how can we access it more frequently?

1. Take a walk or exercise

‘You can walk yourself into a low-grade flow state…it’s a great reset. If you’re doing something creative and you didn’t get into flow and it was frustrating, this is a way to reset and start over” — Steven Kotler

By moving, it seems to help the flow of ideas and our ability to focus.

Studies have shown that exercise switches off the pre-frontal cortex, and essentially allows for our conscious, chattering mind to quieten down.

Nicolas Cole has tried this with writing, documenting an extremely insightful 7 minute home workout routine.

He says of the routine:

“When we did our first 7-minute sprint, one of the first things I noticed was how clear my head was as soon as I sat down to write. It felt like my inner voice was directly connected to my fingers, and as soon as I “thought” the words in my head, they appeared on the page in front of me. 33 minutes passed in an instant — and then we were right back to doing crunches and air squats and push-ups”.

2. Clear all distractions

“Ninety percent of the most important experiences in life are right in front of you. And instead of distracting yourself from them, as you have been, the Attention Diet will finally free you to face them” — Mark Manson

It’s been documented that you just can’t experience flow if distractions disrupt the experience (Nakamura et al., 2009). That’s why setting digital boundaries is so crucial if we want to experience the flow state more often.

When I went on a 10 day Silent Meditation retreat, not having any distractions for ten days gave me some of the most beautiful moments of my life. Of course, it’s not always easy to digitally detox. Mark Manson gives great tips for cultivating an ‘attention diet’, meaning we only limit ourselves to that which is nutritious for us mentally.

Gretchen Rubin says “I find that I’m much happier if I can achieve this flow state for part of each day. But this requires shutting off my email and my web browser, not an easy task”.

In a world that demands our attention, giving yourself the gift of flow may mean setting strict boundaries, and saying no to a lot of other things.

3. Quiet your mind

‘Most of us live our lives like heads on sticks’ — Steven Kotler

If your mind is spinning faster than a hamster wheel, it’s going to be difficult to get into flow. Having one too many tabs in your brain open actually blocks the flow state. When you meditate or do yoga, you quiet your mind, allowing flow in.

‘Deep embodiment’ is one of the triggers that Kotler mentions, and it’s essentially about feeling with your entire body — not just your mind.

When we become mindful, we not only attune to the present moment with our mental focus, but with our bodily awareness.

4. Try something new

Kotler says we need an element of ‘risk’ to get in the flow state.

Of course, mountain climbers and kayakers are deeply in flow due to the physical risks involved, but you don’t have to jeapordise your life if you’re not a fan of extreme sports.

Social and even emotional risks can get you in this flow state.

In short — put yourself out of your comfort zone. Travel somewhere new. Do an activity you’ve never done before. Read something novel.

5. Do what lights you up

“When something strikes a spark of interest, follow it” says Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention.

The flow state is a state of absorption; so it makes sense to do something that you’re likely to get lost in. It can only show up in the now, and when we can pay attention and focus in the present moment.

6. Be in nature

“I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order” — John Burroughs

If we’re sat at a computer for 10 hours a day, it’s likely we are stuck in our heads.

Being in nature allows us to become more attuned to the environment around us, a pre-requisite for flow.

Nature is the great reset button for human health, and there is nowhere more calming for the mind. Not only can it make you up to 47% more creative, but it is scientifically proven to boost your immunity and lower stress levels.

7. Trust yourself

Ultimately, getting into a flow state requires two things — surrender and self-trust to the present moment.

No one ever got in flow by over-analysing, just like no one ever swam by deliberating whether it was safe to jump off the diving board or not.

So with writing, dance, painting, speaking to that cute person — whatever it is, just trust yourself, don’t think, and dive in.

As the mighty Chemical Brothers say — don’t think — just let it flow.

Location independent working: 15 reasons to go remote

First published on Medium.com

‘With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?’ said Oscar Wilde.

And as a modern city worker, these things may feel far from your grasp. You want some more time back for yourself. Time to read, time to be in nature, time to just stand still, take a deep breath, and fully appreciate where you are.

Right?

You might have visions of travelling around the world. Or spending more time at home with your dog. Or fitting more training sessions in for your upcoming marathon. Or simply just having the satisfaction of hitting that snooze button in the morning a few more times.

Whatever your motivation is for remote working, there may be some other added benefits you haven’t considered.

So if you’re considering making the leap towards remote work, here’s 15 thoughts to ponder.

1. Improved mental health

Are remote workers really happier? The research is mixed, often looking at either ends of the spectrum — those remote workers who are employed, and work at coworking spaces, or those self-employed freelancers who work on their own, travelling between Airbnbs or work spaces. As with all things, it appears to be a balance — between having the time to do your own things (more time to exercise, cook/eat better etc) and connecting with others socially. Human connection is vitally important for happiness; it’s important we don’t lose sight of that when we’re finally free of the 9–5. But remote work offers us the opportunity to be more in control of our wellbeing.

2. Less traffic congestion

How much time do you spend sitting in your car in a given week? A month, or a year? By working remotely, not only will you benefit from not having to sit in a traffic jam for hours on end, the environment benefits too. America’s remote workforce currently saves carbon emissions offset to the equivalent of 91 million trees.

Of course, if those same workers are catching lots of planes and travelling around the world it’s not beneficial, so if you’d still like to protect the planet you can search for ways to offset your emissions from air travel.

3. Increased creativity

This all depends on how you make the most of the opportunities remote work brings. Harvard’s E. Glenn Dutcher says: ‘There are times when the home — or the coffee shop or the library — is a much better place to work than the office. For certain types of creative work, you have to be in your favorite room, or listening to your favorite music, or sitting in your favorite chair with your cat on your lap. No other environment will do.’

Personally, I don’t do much creative work at home. My best work came after a 2 month stint in Las Palmas, where I met some innovative and inspiring people. Just being around other likeminded digital nomads seemed to evoke my creative potential. You have to find what works for you.

3. Better physical health

Want to take a 2 hour break to go running in your local park? Well you can, if you’re a remote worker. . A CoSo survey found that 35% of remote workers were getting more exercise than before. Of course, if you’re sitting working in bed all day in your pyjamas, your physical health may decline! With more time on your hands, you can spend that wisely by focusing more on exercise if you so choose.

4. More time to learn/read/research

Even though you always look busy at your office job, there are times when you’re planning your weekend/reading the news/watching the odd cat video and more, isn’t there?

When you’re working remotely, you naturally have time to do more research and learning in a designated area.

Want to research coworking spots? Now you have the extra hour free, that one that you used to spend commuting. Want to learn a new language? Go ahead, because you can choose your hours if you’re a remote freelancer.

5. Productivity hacks

In this section, I was going to mention that remote work could make you more productive, but that’s not always the case. What it most definitely can do is make you lucidly aware of your own motivation and productivity. If you aren’t motivated in the office, chances are you won’t be when you’re working on your own either. Unless there’s certain things you need in order to be productive.

For me, the right productive environment equation looks something like this:

room full of creative entrepreneurs + nice office with comfortable chairs + unlimited tea and biscuits + some good techno to listen to on my headphones (or Mozart if I need to really concentrate) = productive Kerry. For you it might be peace and quiet and an ocean view. For someone else it might be late night on the sofa, when the kids are asleep. Find out when and how you are most productive, and then structure your remote work options around that.

6. Fewer business overheads

Years ago, remote work was called ‘hot desking’. You usually ‘hot desked’ at random offices, and basically had the same experience as an office worker, except for maybe increasing your monthly step counts as you hopped from from desk to desk. American Express noted savings of $10–15 million once it explored its remote work options. If saving money is a priority, location independence could be an option for you.

7. Less sick days

Got the sniffles and fancy a duvet day? Well, hauling yourself out of bed and into an office where you’re likely to spread your germs around has always been the road more travelled when it comes to work. One of the greatest pleasures about remote work in my opinion is that you can take it easy when you have a cold. There’s so much subtle pressure to come into the office when you’re under the weather (‘it’s only a cold’), but now you’re location independent you can snuggle up, make yourself a vitamin c drink, and stay indoors until it has passed. Research by Stanford University shows you’re less likely to have sick days though as a remote worker, so even better!

8. Less reliance on ‘the system’

The way we do things is changing. We no longer have to do things in the way society dictates. Globalisation and technology have freed us from being fixed to our location, and even our loyalties to employers or to brands. We are in control of our working lives now more than ever — of how we work, of when we work, and that means we can start to become self sufficient in more areas than just work, too.

9. More time to travel

You know the feeling. You’ve finally wound down after a week (maybe even two weeks) lounging on the sunbeds in some foreign sunny location, and now it’s time to head back to work. With remote work, you can travel more — not just to grab some more sunshine, but to meet new people, explore new cultures, and get inspiration. Every time I travel, I always get inspired. You don’t even have to go far from home (I’m writing this from a fantastic little cafe in my spiritual home of Chorlton, Manchester, and am staying in an Airbnb whilst visiting friends).

10. Time with loved ones

This reason alone is worth it to me. I haven’t got any fancy statistics here, but needless to say the value of spending more of your life with people that matter to you is inherently soul gratifying. Last week my sister had a baby, and we got the message at the drop of a hat that we could go and see her in hospital. I could rearrange my workload to meet my new niece Rosie along with my two nephews, a truly special moment in my life that I will always remember. You can’t put a price on that.

11. Cost savings for our healthcare system

Professor Cary Cooper notes that a lot of stress-related illnesses are caused by long working hours, and calls for shorter or more flexible working hours as a way to improve wellbeing. It’s difficult to quantify, but imagine the cost savings for the NHS if we all felt a bit happier and less stressed with our lives, as we had a good work-life balance.

12. More time to innovate and problem solve

This is a HUGE one for me, and a real driver as to why I’m so passionate about promoting balance in our work life by working remotely. When we are overloaded or busy, our brains are predominantly in a detrimental state of consciousness. It’s well documented that we get our best ideas when we are in the bath or shower, as Headspace notes. The reason for this is because we are in an alpha state of consciousness, a slower brain wave state which allows for increased creativity. If your brain is always on ‘go’ (i.e. a stressful mode), you’re actually in a state of self-sabotage, because you won’t be able to take in any other information or reflect mindfully on what you are doing.

13. More opportunity to be mindful

Remote work allows you to be with yourself more. It allows you to be more mindful, if you let it. You get to choose. It’s all about your work boundaries and how you choose to look after yourself.

If you’re a remote worker, do you fill yourself with guilt if you’re away for more than 5 minutes on Slack?

In my first remote employed job, I had a manager who would jump on me if I didn’t respond to our client’s email within 5 minutes. He was stressed (despite sometimes working from his villa in Spain), and it made me stressed. I was like an eager tennis player, always ready to pounce on an email or an action, and it was then I decided I had to wave goodbye to the project management life. It just didn’t suit me. Companies such as Intel and Google are into mindfulness as a leadership practice, and for good reason.

14. Time for errands and ‘life admin’

What’s a girl to do if she wants her hair done, nails painted, has a dental appointment and wants to post her friend’s birthday card? Remote work, that’s what. After visiting Bali and unfortunately contracting what doctors thought may be Guillean Barre Syndrome, I was in a bad way, having just got out of a wheelchair. I had a shit ton of appointments. Doctors. Tropical Disease Clinic. Neurologists. Physiotherapy. And because I wanted to help myself as much as I could, I did Acupuncture. Yoga. Flotation Therapy.

Plus of course, when you’ve been through the ringer, you just want to pamper yourself; to look and feel good. Remote work allowed me to do all of these things — work could take a back seat whilst I focused on my wellbeing. Yes, I was just keeping myself afloat financially, but I wasn’t additionally stressed about focusing on work when I needed to look after myself. I’m so incredibly grateful for that.

15. A greater sense of personal autonomy

Most of all, remote work can give you your life back. I can spend my lunch going to the local fruit and veg market, rather than a hurried supermarket run after work. I have more energy, because I work less (about 25–30 hours a week). I can focus on personal goals and creative pursuits. I have time to go in the garden and water the plants and vegetables. I can drive to see a friend on a Tuesday afternoon when the roads are quiet. I don’t get an anxious dread on a Sunday or exhilaration on a Friday afternoon. I have made friends in different countries.

Most of all, I am happier. Of course, there are downsides that crop up — loneliness, lack of motivation and financial instability being the main three as a remote freelancer- but all of these are wholly under my control. I can decide to meet a friend for coffee, go somewhere to invigorate my energy, and work that bit harder to overcome these obstacles.

I am free to make mistakes, but I am also free to create the life I want.

Convinced you yet?

18 tips to improve your income and wellbeing in 2019

We only need to look back for one reason.

To ask ourselves ‘What did I learn?’

All of our experiences, bad or good, have the seeds of wisdom within them. And even if you think they’re not there, they are. They’re just hidden, like seeds in a fruit.

Income and wellbeing are inextricably linked, because they both pertain to energy. With increased energy, not only are you healthier and happier, but you can also earn more.

Ready to charge your batteries for 2019? Here’s things I’ve learned.

1. Trust your gut instinct

I wrote about what mattered to me on Medium, and got featured by the editors. Not only did it generate 6.7k claps and a bit of income, it generated further paid work and people that resonated with what I shared.

2. Immerse yourself in nature as often as possible

There are ideas that can only come to you when you’re in nature. Being in nature is energising. The more beautiful your surroundings, the better. Biophilia is a trend that will grow in 2019. Don’t take my word for it. Check out the ethos of coworking space Second Home.

3. Be aware of what drains your energy

‘Where attention goes, energy flows” is not just a nice quote. It’s truth. If you are giving your attention to things that aren’t uplifting you, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Are you letting social media suck your attention, and thus your energy? The Shallows explores how the internet is literally rewiring our brains.

4. Practice the art of letting go

I broke ties with one of my oldest friends this year, and even though I love her immensely, I had to accept that we were just going in different directions. If you hold on to something that is moving away from you, you’ll lose a hell of a lot of energy. It will impact your health, happiness, and business. Let it drift if it needs to.

5. Set monthly finance goals, and track weekly for peace of mind

Relieve financial anxiety as a freelancer by setting monthly targets. Track them weekly, and if you’ve hit your target by week 3, you know you can relax or hustle a little harder to surpass it. Trust you will get there.

6. Forget the competition

If you’re too busy paying attention to what others are doing, that mental energy is being lost. Run your own race. I remember one boss who literally stood at his computer watching a video of his competitor and calling him names. Why? It’s wasted energy. Spend that time improving yourself instead.

7. Tell everyone what you are doing

For the most part, it helps to be open as possible. I spent quite a few Fridays this year working at Think NG’s Freelance Friday, where I met a lovely lady. I shared what I was doing, and she later recommended me to do a paid workshop in 2019.

8. Don’t make decisions in fear

When the work goes quiet, it’s very tempting to do that project you don’t really like but know will earn you money. Or, if you’ve not posted for a while, you could just reuse that piece of work you’re not altogether happy with, but don’t do it. Instead use the time to upskill and grow.

9. Find work that feels playful

Keep a track of your emotion logs, like my friend Sam Chillcott. Notice when you feel elevated, and when you internally shout ‘yeah!’ That’s an indication of where you need to go. Excitement is energy. You want to do things that fill you with genuine excitement, and even if you’re not making a living from them yet, try to move yourself in that direction.

10. Use music to boost your productivity

Music is a well known energiser. It also has physical health benefits, and The Sync Project are exploring it’s effects with a large research study. Skeptical? You don’t have to listen to music whilst you’re working if it distracts you. Just by blasting out a tune before you work can help (I love this).

11. Start your day with positivity

As Benjamin Hardy suggests, getting yourself into a ‘peak state’ is advised. It helps set the tone for the day. Whatever uplifts you, whatever you need to get you into a place of calmness, focus, and energy. I’m not religious, but I start my day with Joel — he gives me a pep talk every morning.

12. Skill swap with other entrepreneurs

Utilise your network — is there a way you can help each other to further your impact in the world? This year, I did some marketing in return for some life coaching. Build your tribe. Help your friends.

13. Change your environment for increased creativity

This year, I spent three months in sunny Las Palmas, where I got to meet a lot of inspiring people. The difference it made to my mood and productivity was enormous. I was about 100 x more productive when I got home.

14. Be intentional about solitude for new ideas and learnings

I’m in praise of solitude. Like being immersed with new people and new environments, solitude has its own merits for creativity, learning, and reflection. Ideally, think of connection like a tide, or breathing — sometimes you’re around others, the next, you’re alone. That way you stay in balance.

15. Be helpful, even if you’re not getting paid

When I was working at the Freelance Friday, helping my friend and fearless kayaker Sally Montgomery, I didn’t begrudge giving her pro bono advice even though I was supposed to be working. Doing that led me to start consulting sessions, and within an hour of posting it on Twitter I had my first client.

16. Work with nature’s rhythms

You can’t force a water tap to fill a cup quickly if there’s only a dribble coming out. Likewise, you can’t expect yourself to be on fire in your business if you’re feeling tired. Don’t push if there’s no energy there. I’ve learned that our bodies, especially women’s bodies, go through a subtle energetic process relating to our cycles — we naturally have more energy around ovulation. Schedule your thinking time for then, and your days off for the ‘winter’ of menstruation.

17. Try as many income streams as possible

The internet is your oyster! There’s nothing you can’t do, with enough knowledge and research. Test the waters, and so what if it doesn’t work out? You can freelance, get a remote job, write a book, create a product, become a youtuber, create a course, do matched betting, be a user tester, do dropshipping — the possibilities for location independence are endless. One will be a perfect fit for you.

18. Don’t underestimate REST

I don’t just mean sleep. I mean full, conscious REST. Apart from going to sleep, do you have moments when you consciously relax your body to the deepest state possible, not focusing on anything else? R.E.S.T therapy is an actual thing, coined by the researchers of sensory deprivation tanks. I’m a fan of those. But when I can’t get there, I utilise the wonderful Meditations by Rasa. When it comes to meditation, go deep. You’ll be energised.

In Praise Of Solitude

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely

It was a Saturday Night. I’d been reading famous quotes on solitude, as I was writing an article on silence (I know, so rock n’ roll).

Solitude was praised by Mother Teresa, Nikola Tesla, Antony Burgess, Albert Einstein, Franz Kafka and many more interesting people.

Then I googled ‘solitude’. The very first result from Wikipedia, highlighted in a little black box, rather perturbed me.

“Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e., lack of contact with people. It may stem from bad relationships, loss of loved ones, deliberate choice, infectious disease, mental disorders, neurological disorders or circumstances of employment or situation.” — Wikipedia.

Wait a minute. This all seems… pretty bad.

I’ve just read that solitude was the answer from some of life’s most brilliant minds:

“The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion; free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone — that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.” ~ Nikola Tesla

“People who do a job that claims to be creative have to be alone to recharge their batteries. You can’t live 24 hours a day in the spotlight and remain creative. For people like me, solitude is a victory.” 
― Karl Lagerfeld

Not to mention the recent research that solitude can make you more successful.

Maybe we’re confusing solitude with the feeling of loneliness. It is one thing to be on your own voluntarily, taking breaks away from family, friends and the world, and quite another to be isolated.

I’ve recently moved into a flat on my own. At first, I was gripped with thoughts such as ‘ugh, this is horrible! So lonely!’ but then after a time it was replaced by a feeling of beautiful serenity.

The shift that happened?

Well, for the first week I was distracted. I focused exclusively outside myself — the tasks I had to complete, work I had to do. I was on autopilot.

But after about a week, I mentally dropped the ball and just sat ‘with myself’. It’s an awareness of the present moment, a connection with it that you just don’t get when you’re lonely. It then became incredibly enjoyable.

Perhaps loneliness is sort of a disconnection from others and also from yourself — whereas with solitude, you’re actively staying present with your own company.

Maybe loneliness can come from being somehow estranged from your connection to your own thoughts and feelings, your dreams, your hopes, your desires.

Because even if you’re surrounded by people, you still can be lonely. In fact, if you’re surrounded by people all the time, it can be incredibly hard to hear what your inner voice is saying — it’s been drowned out all your life.

So I’m in praise of solitude. It’s a truly enriching experience for those who want to fully embrace it.

Solitude can be an intentional experience. The intention is not about removing yourself from people and positive relationships, but for giving yourself moments when it’s just you and the universe.

When embracing solitude, it can be like taking a bath in the waters of silence. You dissipate into the present moment. There is sometimes no sense of ‘I’, especially in nature when moments of solitude can be so serenely beautiful.

If I was a newbie wanting to explore solitude, I might have thought twice if I’d read about it on Wikipedia or Google.

Solitude shouldn’t be terrifying. And if it is, what does that say about ourselves?

This article was first published on Medium.com

The Emotional Side of Freelancing

There are so many articles out there about how to get freelancing right, and there is so much to think about: the invoicing, the client communication, the hustle, the accounts, and more.

What I have learned in three years of working as a freelancer is that it can be an emotional rollercoaster, too. Just like an actual rollercoaster, freelancing can be immensely thrilling, exciting, and sometimes can make you feel a little bit sick. Without management or HR to review your work, and without a regular salary in place or colleagues to bounce ideas off of, those dips and twists in your work life can throw you emotionally if you don’t know how to handle them.

Yet, despite the rollercoaster, working as a freelancer has helped me become more emotionally stable. As a freelancer, I am my business. This means I have to stay grounded, consistent, and calm as I go about my work. I have also needed to develop and maintain a steady sense of peace, because freelancing, by nature, can be so uncertain and unstable.

I have always wanted to work for myself, and that, so far, has meant tackling every issue that has annoyed me about jobs I’ve had in the past. I’ve had many stomach-churning moments in this process, and have experienced a lot of positive moments and accomplishments as well. The positives make the lifestyle worth it, and how you deal with the stomach-churning moments — let’s call them dips — ultimately determine the success of your business. Here are some of the dips I have seen come up pretty regularly in my experience as a freelancer:

When the work (seems like) it’s drying up

I have noticed that freelance work often comes in cycles and correlates pretty heavily with your mindset. Panicking about paying the bills and the fact that no one you reach out to with ideas seems to be getting back in touch just won’t help you. I have learned to embrace the fact that I experience cycles of really busy periods, along with bouts of time when things feel a bit quieter, or when contracts naturally come to an end.

When work dries up, you need to remind yourself why you started. Did you want to work for just one person, on a never-ending, boring business? Of course not! You like the variety freelancing brings because it means you get to work on lots of small projects. Sometimes these last six months, and sometimes they don’t — that’s a good thing.

Don’t be afraid when things feel stagnant — maybe it just means that it’s time to get creative and go to the next level.

Plus, you love the thrill of the hustle! As a freelancer, love of the hustle is part of your nature. Whether you’re sending out proposals or chasing down projects, you can’t let the uncertainty behind the hustle destabilize you emotionally. I’ve realized that, though it may feel a little scary to get back on the saddle after enjoying a nice six to eight months of steady income, you have to remind yourself that looking for new opportunities helps you grow. I like to think about the hustle that comes from periods where I’m low on work like walking into a sweet shop. There, I get to look through a variety of options and search for exactly what will feel tasty and satisfying.

Don’t be afraid when you’re tested like this and things feel stagnant — maybe it just means that it’s time to get creative and go to the next level.

When you start to feel lonely

As a remote freelancer, sometimes you get lonely. Sure, you may be surrounded by other great freelancers if you’re part of a co-working space, or have more leniency in your schedule to meet friends for coffee, but when it comes to running your business, you’re on your own.

My advice? Get help when you can.

Realize that no man is an island. The beauty of living in today’s world is that there is an answer to every problem you have, including lack of community. You just have to find that answer.

Here’s the positive angle on difficult clients: They can build your emotional resilience.

I’ve also learned that loneliness can often come when you’re not focusing your efforts on the right things. Maybe you feel alienated because the work just isn’t the right fit for you, and does not engage you enough to be a real stepping stone on your journey.

Ultimately, we’re all learning about ourselves, so practicing patience with yourself is something that you’ll definitely get tested on as a freelancer. Try to find and build community wherever you can.

Dealing with difficult clients

These can come in all shapes and sizes. Some examples of difficult clients include those who are unresponsive whenever you reach out, some that just don’t seem happy with your work (regardless of how many edits or changes you make), or others who are simply taking advantage of you and have not yet paid you.

Here’s the positive angle on difficult clients: They can build your emotional resilience. Thankfully, I now rarely deal with them, because I’ve learned to be very careful about who I work with, but I do find it interesting how we can often attract clients who, unintentionally, may help us resolve an area of growth we may need.

Once, for example, I got burned when I was asked to do a fairly large package of copywriting work for a brand’s birthday campaign. Time was of the essence, and I delivered a newsletter, promo copy, emails, and some product descriptions over the course of a few days.

It is easy to put the client on a pedestal and to put yourself underneath that pedestal. But it doesn’t have to be like this, even if you’re a new freelancer.

I had asked for a deposit up front, but as the launch of the brand was “imminent,” (or so I was led to believe), I let it go when the company didn’t pay me immediately. Surprise, surprise: To this day I still have not been paid and the brand itself has gone AWOL.

This was the first time something like this happened to me, but it was a good test and helped me shape aspects of my work, including my boundaries, what I should and will insist upon, and what I decide is acceptable for me as a business owner.

Many freelancers can make mistakes like this when they start out, simply due to a lack of confidence. It is easy to put the client on a pedestal and to put yourself underneath that pedestal. But it doesn’t have to be like this, even if you’re a new freelancer. Learn not to let others take advantage of you. Holding your own when it comes to dips like these can ultimately make you stronger.

Marketing yourself

Ironic as it may sound, though I am a marketer, I really do not enjoy marketing myself. I don’t mind sharing my articles, but I don’t want to become a sales channel on social media for my business. It doesn’t feel right to me — I’d rather just use my platforms to share what I am interested in, and be myself rather than pushing “a brand.” Branding myself feels too confining.

As a freelancer, you are allowed to have a wide range of interests and skills and to use your social media to promote them. I have learned that, by being a little more personal and focusing away from pushing a brand, you may connect with the types of people you want to work with anyway.

Freelancing brings an extraordinary sense of empowerment and freedom. You alone are responsible for shaping your destiny.

I recently had a consulting client that contacted me with the following message: “I wasn’t familiar with you before today, but after looking at a few of your tweets I think we might have a few interests in common (I am a Manc with a fondness for raving and healthy living!)”

This message shows me that sharing my interests on social media enabled me to connect with a potential client who was on my wavelength, and who I felt that I could actually help. Yes, I do want to work with people that like raving and healthy living (and no, the two are not mutually exclusive!)

If someone does not seem to understand you, on the other hand, they are not your client. This is something that has taken me a long time to grasp, after working with lots of people who really weren’t the right fit for me. That’s okay, because there have been plenty of others who were.

I’ve spoken about the dips, but what about the highs? And yes, there are many — I wouldn’t have stuck it out as a freelancer this long if not. Along with the benefits of working remotely I’ve written about before, freelancing brings an extraordinary sense of empowerment and freedom. You alone are responsible for shaping your destiny.

Did you earn £4k this month? That was all you. Did you get a positive testimonial? That’s awesome — your communication style is working, and you’re building relationships. Is your brain bursting with ideas, and suddenly you want to write? Great! This means your creativity is being sparked.

So go for it, embrace the rollercoaster ride and the highs and the lows that come with it. Use each positive and negative experience to build emotional resilience and stability. Freelancing can be an emotional journey, but it doesn’t have to own you. Ultimately, it can be a journey where you’ll truly learn about yourself, and realize that you’re capable of more than you ever thought.

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